Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Journal of Abraham Nermal: Everyone else is a giant mooch

So good, honest, hard working Abraham was taking a thoroughly innocent and unsuspicious morning constitutional through the woods with his shovel and rope when lo and behold..  ungrateful adventurers came by.  Abraham was just going to sneak past,  but then Frederick said hello and Abraham does have a hard time saying no to tha ole charmer.

Up to the Abbey we go,  they babble about... one of them was looking at my boots.  They wanted to go back to the North Tower,  where I won my cards the week before.  The hatch was shut again, warped again.  I think the doors are alive.  It must be dull to be a door.   Sure enough,  no one else brought rope.   Its all up to Abraham...again.

Down we delved into places deep, into the place of bad things and worse ends.  The door to the base of the stair would not budge,  no matter how the brave adventurers scowled or heaved or huffed.   Abraham used his universal lockpick.  The door opened and bled mauve blood..the same goop from the vines.  The doors are evil.  In we explored, looking at the rotting corpses of the horrid cultists, sprawled about the table.   The oil Abraham threw past the alcove was still there.  The shields and axes were gone.

One of the fools wandered into the alcove, stood in the oil, looked about, left.  Set fire to the oil.  Big blaze on the stones,  Abraham thinks that is dangerous. So much fire, what if the stone children awaken?   Worse the flickering light brought things. Abraham was too smart for those foolish adventurers, Abraham hid under the table while they shot bows and braced spears and these howling shrieking monsters in the shape of dead man, clad in dead mail came scrambling with their dead fury.  Then Abraham did something stupid, tried to help.  Tried to hook the dead man's foot with a crowbar from under the table.  Abraham tripped and rolled out into the hall, surrounded by the dead.  Abraham nearly joined them,  they clawed at his throat,  one of them swung his crumbling iron sword and cut Abraham's head.
      The fancy lad then saved Abraham,  there was a great crash as he rolled the table into those hideous things,  breaking their fragile bones to dust.  He's a doctor,  he stitched my cuts. He was quite masterful..master...ful...
      We kept looking about,  found a shrine to St. Augustin or was it Augustus? He was an emporer, he's very important to the church.  There was a pool of green water,  no one wanted to drink any..everyone wanted someone to drink lots.  Past that was another room,  full of stools and a podium, and broken frescos.   Abraham took a stool as a sample.  There was a great book full of text and pictures.  Even if Abraham knew all the letters,  many were hidden by blood and ..other things.  Abraham put the book in his sack.

    There were more things about, another shrine..it's reliquary was looted.  Abraham was puzzling with the shrine while the others went ahead.  A spear was thrown,  Frederick cried out.   Abraham looked over and saw dozens and dozens of filthy rat men, small things, climbing over poor Frederick.  Abraham liked Frederick,  so I had to saves him.  Poor Frederick, laying there on his back,  swarmed by rat things,  his gaping maw exposed.  Abraham threw his grappling hook I dids,   hooked 'im right in tha gum,  dragged his slimy hide back to safety,  free of the screaming rat things.   Then the fancy man,  with the fancy language,  he chanted something and the rat things went to sleep, he is a master of such things.

  We killed almost all the things, we saw the hall they came from.  A big pool of fetid black water.  The other way was a set of doors.  Abraham listened at the door, heard 'Caw..Caw'.  Awful rats,  those awful awful rats.  They would try and eat poor Abraham's beautiful, beautiful eyes.  Then Abraham's noggin got thinkin...  they loves eyeballs.  These rat folk has eyeballs.  We poured oil in front of the door, started soaking the eyeballs in the green water of St.Augusto. Then we heards it.  A sickening slapping noise, like an unconscious call girl against marble stairs.  We dimmed our lanterns and tried to hide,  people got lost...wandered about.   Abraham went to find them with a dim candle...saw those yes, those read gleaming eyes   , Abraham lit the oil trail...set the trap for those Awful Rats ablaze in a flickering glow of raging fire he saw them...so many of them,  more than both hands...  great flapping , living , bleeding piles of man mean animated without bone or soul, wailing in rage.   Abraham fled out,  others followed.  We waited outside by the tower for some time.   Abraham thought we should go,  but back we went.

Deep into that horrid place we went,  trails of blood everywhere.  But the eyeballs were still in the pool.  Greedy we were,  more oil,  the stool was placed in the center of a great pool of it.  Eyeballs in a great mound, a trail of eyes leading to the door and a trail of oil leading to us.  We used Abraham's grapnel and rope, as we always do, because no one else every contributes supplies because they are mooches.  We tugged on the door and pulled its stuck frame open.  Out scurried the rats,  several dozen in a swarming mass as they swarmed along the trail and gorged on the feast of eyes.   As they did so they began to grow larger and turn green.   Abraham set fire to them,  they exploded.   As the fire dimmed we entered into their room.  Full of straw and bits of cloth.  Abraham rooted through it, found many shiny bobbles, rings of gold,  silver broaches, many things, many many things.  We went into its neighbour room,  it had already been destroyed,  it was also growing still.  The next door had blood trails.. we didn't go in that door.

The black pool was mocking us.  Abraham had to use his spear (always Abraham's things at risk) to prod the pool, there were things down there, things giving resistance.  It was too deep for Abraham's shovel (no one else brings any tools) so Abraham made the others give their belts,  lashed the shovel to Abraham's spear, and a spear from the rat folk. Pulled out dozens of thousands of copper coins.   Abraham's sack was overflowing with treasure.   They wanted to go deeper, Abraham put his foot down, no point going deeper when we have more treasure than we can carry.  They grumbled and we went back up top to the mule...wolves were trying to eat it.  Then ran when we appeared..the mule was hurt.

Back to town,  set up accounts with Rupert.  Abraham should have quit there..but they wanted to go just one more room deeper.  So back we went to the abbey,  back into the North Tower,  past the black pool, deeper into those accursed tunnels.  There was a big round room,  who has to sneak forward and look?  Abraham.  Abraham crawled closer...saw bloated tall men with appropriate levels of tan,  but bad eyes,  no good from those eyes.  Those bad eyes saw Abraham. Abraham tried to blend in as one of them, it didn't work.  Abraham ran passed those foolhardy, no foolish, adventurers.   They stopped and fought and stabbed with spears.  But nothing worked, the spears bounced off their pallid flesh like it was stone.  Then everyone was running.
    They nearly swarmed the man who was looking at my boots,  he touched one of their faces...its face melted, they ran.  We kept running.

  One more room,  I will put it on his tombstone yet.

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